| (no subject) |
[Dec. 17th, 2008|09:16 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Running, please wait... | ] |
Finally done with school. Finally done with HOME school. Next year is another year of hippie private school. Fuck yeah!
Life's gradually getting better. Then it gets worse, and so on. Over these past 2 weeks I've been fucking miserable. Then, yesterday was alright and things feel like they're looking up. I hate the way that changes according to the previous day. I just hate the way everything changes in general.
BIKEAGE. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 15th, 2008|08:50 pm] |
YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND ARE SO FUCKING STUPID. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 13th, 2008|05:02 pm] |
Watching Pulp Fiction made me think so much about writing. I came up with a plot today about the Graphic Novel I've been wanting to write. Justin is going to help me illustrate everything. Basically, it's about these four kids who smoke this weed that makes them turn into super heroes and they fight crime. Hahah.
I really want to become a better writer. I'm going to look into creative writing classes for next semester.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 10th, 2008|08:37 pm] |
I think every single guy in this city over looks the fact I'm a girl, and I want to be treated like one sometimes.
I don't think I've been kissed in months...
That's all I really want. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 10th, 2008|09:26 am] |
I hate everyone. I hate the people who have relationships, but all they do about it is complain and fight. If your relationship is so terrible that you feel the need to constantly post bulletins and complain about it, then fucking end that relationship. You're not in love with that person, and they're not in love with you. Chances are, you never even loved each other. You used each other for sex, and someone to kill time with. Girls just use guys to buy them shit. Guys just use girls for sex. It's all fucked up. If you have someone that likes you enough to hear you bitch and whine about your stupid horse shit, then at least you have that.
I hate people that have jobs, but constantly complain about them. Do you realize how hard it is to find a fucking job right now? I have literally applied everywhere from Chelsea, to Inverness to Hoover and all they gave me was a funny look. When I do get hired, they pay me minimum wage and give me 8 hours a week. You have a job, one that probably pays well, and it's probably easy, and you probably have good hours. Unless you shook your head to any of those, quit fucking complaining.
I also hate the people that are like "ohh, I hate Birmingham. I wanna move away!". Shut the fuck up. Birmingham isn't that bad, despite the stupid fucking people occupying it. We have something not many cities have, and that's an awesome community with people who care about music and not the fucking money. Go to any other city, the shows at 21+, and all they want is your 10 bucks to get into the show. They don't even know your name. Shut the fuck up about moving out, at least your parents haven't kicked your ass out yet.
You're living, be somewhat content. If you're not, quit complaining and do fucking something about it.
It's pathetic, god damn.
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| Christmas list (revised) |
[Dec. 9th, 2008|04:16 pm] |
-A bottle of Sailor Jerry rum
-8g CBB
-a carton of filters
-Records
-A boyfriend
-Money for Orlando
I've been thinking about dying my hair some crazy color. I think I may do that over Christmas break since I won't be in school. I haven't decided on a color yet. Possibly just blonde. I'd like to do a green, or a blue. I don't know. Haven't decided. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 8th, 2008|03:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the church | ] |
Today I laid in bed with my cat and re-watched Donnie Darko. Am I the only one that digs the fuck out of that soundtrack?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/S._Darko
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 7th, 2008|10:45 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | descendents | ] |
( x-maz lizt )
I'm going to This if for you with Chase and Amy. Stoked on that. Christmas break should be good because I'll have my license, I'll hopefully have a job, I'll be going to Orlando to see some rad bands, and I'm going to drink loads of whiskey.
Greencup last night was fun. We got sushi after wards. Wish I would've stayed to see Gut Bucket and get my tape from Ian.
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 6th, 2008|09:27 am] |
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Fuck yeah for christmas! My parent buy me records! |
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| Sunday morning |
[Dec. 1st, 2008|05:18 pm] |
Chad, Harlie, Chase, Amy, and myself were sitting around the table eating pancakes, and listening to the Misfits. Then the lights started to flicker-
Chase: "What if it's a ghost?"
Amy: "What if it's Danzig?"
DAAAARBY CRAAAASH |
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| mom won't let me get a mohawk |
[Dec. 1st, 2008|02:04 pm] |
I can't wait to turn eighteen so I can get tattoos, and have a choice to move out.
I finally got one of my lobes back at an inch. I wish I could find my old plugs.
I've been wearing hats too often. My hair is in this shitty growing stage, and it looks like a dude's hair.
I'm not really sure why all of my friends' girlfriends hate me. I haven't fucked your boyfriend, you stupid bitch.
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| God damn me |
[Nov. 30th, 2008|03:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the postal service | ] |
I have a pizza on the oven, and I figured I'd come here and bitch to myself.
This week has been nothing but a blur, just like they all are. They're unimportant, boring, and really, just not what I'd prefer them to be. North Carolina was fun, but I got sick of it after a day or two. Skiing was bullshit. I fell down a mountain, so I built a snowman. Amy and I woke up at four Saturday morning and drove to Birmingham. We had some stupid bullshit party at our house with stupid fucking people. I'm getting sick of this stupid party scene. Don't get me wrong- I love drinking, smoking, and fucking shit up, but I hate these people I used to call "friends". They don't even act like human's anymore. I hate Sean, as well. I hate girls who can't decide whether or not they like you, but when they get drunk they love you more than anyone. I hate everyone I've slept with. I hate everyone I've dated. I hate all of those people I actually put time into our relationships/friendships, and they ended up someone I barely know now. I love Brett. I love waking up with my best friends and cooking them pancakes and listening to the Misfits. That's what I like to do. I don't like drinking games, and I don't like to see who can get drunk the fastest, or who can puke first.
I make too many promises to myself I don't keep. At least it's not like that for anyone but myself.
This week classes start again, and I need to go look for a job. Fuck my life.
I'm still in that rut I told you about, but I'm trying my hardest to pull myself out. No matter how many times I write it out, talk it out, or kick it out it never fails to come creeping right back in when I least expect it. I have so many thoughts running through my head.
God damn it, I need a boyfriend. I have too much free time on my hands.
I gotta check my pizza now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 20th, 2008|07:41 pm] |
Nobody really reads this, but this is for Ian.
1.) If you could choose any profression, but only one, to hold until you retired, what would you choose? That's kind of hard to answer. I'm only sixteen, after all. At first I wanted to be an English teacher, but then I got a job in a kitchen and I got set on going to Culinary school and going from there.
2.) Why did you decide to homeschool? Okay... I'm the middle of 5 kids. My oldest sister is handicapped. My mom decided to home school her, and she did it to all of us. Amy first attended public school in the 10th grade, and me, in the 8th grade. After a semester, I got sort of depressed and home schooled again. I went back the next nine weeks. In the 10th grade I went to a private school for kids with ADHD, and need special attention... Because I got diagnosed with ADHD and a few learning disorders when I was fourteen. That got expensive, and now I'm mostly teaching myself the rest of my 11th and 12th grade years. Phew.
3.) Is your current state of lonelieness in the romantic sense drawn from a general desire for affection or a reappropriation of feelings for someone else? A lot of both.
4.) Do you feel put out at times being so young, and being a girl, in a "boys club"? I've always been considered "one of the boys". When I was little, at church, I'd always play football with the boys. I actually broke my knee playing football once. Growing up, and realizing I was a young girl was weird. I didn't care, though. Being in the scene isn't any different. My dude friends treat me like their own, and I act like a dude for the most part so, whatever. It sucks, sometimes, though.
5.) What is the greatest record of all time? Hmm... My music taste matures and develops every day. .. .... .. I remember Deja Entendu by Brand New being my first album I really loved. I think I was twelve.
Now, if you want me to, I can ask you 5 questions.
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| Thinking too much |
[Nov. 19th, 2008|10:05 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Bob Marley | ] |
I've really been thinking about what is good for me, and what isn't. I need to rid my life of the negative things that's making me feel bad, physically and emotionally.
+I know that fast food, for one, is not good for me. I'm going to try to cut that down.
+I know that blaming people for my misery isn't good for me. I'm going to start taking full responsibility for my actions- in the past, and in the future.
+I know that smoking isn't good for me, but I don't care.
+I know that eating so much candy isn't good for me. I have the worst god damn sweet tooth.
+I should definitely start exercising. I know I'm not fat, or chubby at all- but I've gained about 5 pounds this fall/winter. Me being 5'2" doesn't help that.
+No more liquor. At all.
+No more soft drinks.
So far no fast food, no liquor, no self-pity, cut down on candy, no soft drinks, continue smoking, drink beer (maybe even light beer... just a thought), and put exercise into my routine.
I miss having tons of friends. It seems like putting effort into meeting new people is worthless. They all stab you in the back, or leave you out to dry at one point. I have my sister, and really, that's all I need.
I finally get my license in 5 days. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 17th, 2008|06:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UPP. | ] |
The past twenty-four hours have been alright. I stayed at Amy's last night. Me, her and Chase got drunk and talked about sex for a long time. I had a hang over this morning, which sucked.
I applied at Fresh Market, and Whole Foods tonight. I really need a day job. Got too much time on my hands.
I don't think I've worn make up in three days. I know I haven't touched my hair besides to wash it since I shaved it. Bleh, whatever. Make up is an inconvenience. It only takes me 20 minutes to wake up, and get out the door- whereas it would take most girls an hour an a half. Fuck that. It'd be amazing to find a boy that found things like make up, hygiene etc. unimportant.
I need a really good show, or a really good party to happen soon. Preferably on the same night. What's wrong, Birmingham? We used to have awesome fucking parties.
I constructed a Christmas list today while I got really bored:
-8g Septum rings
-Record player god damn mother fucking needle
-Travel coffee mug/water bottle
-Slip ons/moccasins
-A new backpack
-(I think instead of Amy and I buying each other gifts, we're going to go in on a bong together. Sister bong.)
-Stickers, patches, records, Cd's, and DVD's |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 16th, 2008|01:30 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | morning glory | ] |
I'm starting to haunt my own house. I haven't done much these past two weeks. I'm beginning to feel hopeless again. All I do anymore is look for things to do, and then they seem to fail. I'm starting to think home school wasn't a good choice, because of all of this free times I have on my hands. I don't know what to do with it. I've turned into a lazy home bum.
Everything makes me want to cry now. Before the issue was that I couldn't cry, and now it's that everything makes me cry. Running out of cigarettes is seriously the worst part of any smoker's day. Not being old enough, or being too poor to buy more is always a smoker's worst fear. I'm always in the worst positions. I just fucking need a new view, a new scenery, and a new slate. I wish that my parents weren't so hell-bent on dying here, exactly where they were born. That's just sad to me. Why wouldn't people want to explore different cities, and different people? I mean, I couldn't answer that.
I need a change. A very, very drastic one. Everything is getting so old. Nothing has worked out for me, and I don't ever expect it to. It would be so nice to be kissed, and be treated like a girl every now and then. Why do I scare so many boys off?
I really want to go out on a date with someone, and just get drunk, kiss, and throw shit off of/onto shit. By the way, why is that so fucking hard to find? Someone to sit around with, listen to music, and get high. Someone to ride around, listening to music, and drink beer. Someone that will actually have fun with me, rather than hold me back from any fun. That's fucking stupid.
PEACE. |
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| Uhh |
[Nov. 13th, 2008|06:16 pm] |
I've been feeling so weird towards everything. This week has flown by. Now I understand what my mom means when she says "the years fly by". It's almost December. That's so crazy, it seems like we were celebrating New years a week ago. Everyone has changed so much since last year. I hate to think about how we were then, and how we are now. I mean, it seems like everyone would be so much happier if we were all friends again- not even friends, but just a tighter knit community.
I hate that people look past me as a sixteen year old. I hate having to live up to such high expectations. I'm gross, and childish because I am only a child. Leave me alone. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 12th, 2008|10:18 am] |
I'M SPENDING SO MUCH TIME WITH MYSELF,
I'M BEGINNING TO HATE MYSELF EVEN MORE.
I KNOW YOU FEEL,
BECAUSE I KNOW YOU WELL.
SLEEP NOW,
AND REST EASY.
DREAM OF ME. |
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| Fuck |
[Nov. 7th, 2008|10:16 am] |
I blew the shit out of my ears yesterday morning. My right one has a 2 huge gashes in it, and it was bleeding like crazy. Shit... It hurts a lot.
Bane's Sunday and Municipal Waste is Tuesday. That's fucking awesome. |
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| Barack-&-roll |
[Nov. 5th, 2008|01:29 pm] |
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I didn't think that it would happen, but it did. We have the first black president ever, and the first democratic president in 8 years. Thank god we got those crummy repub's out of there. Obama's speech last night was absolutely amazing, and what was even more amazing was watching it with my sister while hitting grav's.
For the past 2 weeks, I've only been working 2 shifts a week. That's fucking ridiculous. Jeff hired a new hostess and all she does is flaunt her long blonde hair and big boobs for everyone while I do her job. She gets tons of shifts a week, and I get 2. Thanks, assholes. Planet Smoothie doesn't need anyone on 280, so I can't work there. I'm not ABOUT to start looking for another job. It's so hard to find work when you're sixteen, and aren't drop-dead gorgeous. Let me just tell you, I hate the world.
Municipal is playing Tuesday- that means beer punching will be happening.
I wish a legitimate guy would show interest in me, rather than guys who refer to me as "fine ass". Honestly? Go try that on some other skank, I have a little bit more self-respect than that. I'm so thankful I don't have a boyfriend, though. Chase is CONSTANTLY bitching about Kenzie, and it's just makes me happier and happier I don't have that. However, I just want to talk to you. I think I may do that soon. Hopefully I could do it without puking all over myself due to nervousness. I get myself to tangled up with everything.
My internet's not working, so I've been doing more productive things. I'm doing homework, extra homework, sewing some, and drawing and painting more. Thanksgiving break is soon, and I need to start working doubles in order to have an awesome Christmas break and buy everyone candy! |
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